Saturday 28 February 2015

IT'S CHAOS IN PARAGUAY

 
 
The mood in the Paraguay camp is not a happy one. The upset at the way they exited Italia2015 has yet to subside. Reports from home of rioting and the burning of American flags has not helped the mood. Reports of Paraguayan armed forces being flown into Mexico and gathering at the Texan border are believed to be unfounded.
 
Paraguay troops heading for the Texas border with Mexico
 
 The players are packing all their belongings as they prepare to be bussed to Naples International Airport for the flight back to Asuncion while boss Gordon Kinnear prepares to fly back to England and start preparing his Derby County side for the new season.
All the unrest has been caused by the decision by the referee to rule out a Cardozo goal in the first half of the last 16 game against the United States. The main issue is that the linesman did not raise his flag but referee, Bruce Willis, after consulting in a quick phone call with Barack Obama decided that Cardozo was offside. There is no doubt it was controversial and replays show that the number that Bruce dialled was not in fact that of Obama but was Mickey Mouse in Disneyland. It is one of these things that will rumble on for years to come. In the end, Paraguay are on their way home and they will receive a heroes welcome from all apart from the armed forces who are otherwise disposed.
 
 
 
We couldn't leave today without one last interview with Gino and we managed to get access to his bedroom where he is being treated for Leptospirosis, which can be caught from drinking rodent's piss. We asked him about his World Cup experience.
 
Word got through to the hamster community about Gino's disease
 
 
' It's a shame you know, a damn shame. This team deserved better than that. We were as good as that select team, the stats show that but in the end we were undone by Bruce Willis. He has won so many battles for them but last night his mini marathon performance was much better than Cardozo's who seemed to freeze at the big moment. Eddie Waring said himself that it was a very close call but had to side with Bruce.
We have had a great time here in Naples. We won three tough games and had three tough meals but the lads handled it well. The way they downed they guinea pigs was superb entertainment. I can't thank the fans enough, especially the girls with the big boobies. We feel we have let them down in the game they would have wanted us to win most but we must move on. I have signed a contract to stay for the next World Cup and hopefully we get a qualifying group that involves the Americanos, blue jeans and chinos, coke, pepsi and oreos, Americano-o-o-os, movies and heroes, in the land of the free, you can be what you wanna be. Sorry chaps, got carried away. Holly Johnson was a great singer you know. Paraguyan grandparents they say in Asuncion. Talking of which, I believe there were riots last night in the capital. I would like to say, they can stop now, I have signed the new contract.
 
A future manager for Paraguay?
 
 
 Finally, before I go, I have to say we will be back. Paraguay will survive and after we have conquered Texas, we will move on to the next country. Personally, I will be back in charge of Derby tomorrow and I will be having a look at maybe bringing a couple of the Paraguay squad to the Ipro, but only if they bring the girls with the painted strips on their bodies. I have to go to the toilet now.'
 
So that is it. Paraguay head home after a World Cup that made people sit up and take notice of their style of play, and their fans with the big boobies. We learned a lot about the Paraguyan culture and we hope that they can qualify for the next tournament although it may be a tough task for an ageing team that is short of younger players coming through. We are off back to England and we look forward to the domestic season that should provide more thrills and spills. Goodbye.
 
 
The Paraguay team head for the airport
 

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