279 Saturday Show - Episode 4

The Managers this week are enjoying Macedonian delicacies brought by Razzaque

The Doctor – "Welcome to Episode 4 of the 279 Saturday Show, I am your host, some call me the Lord of Time, others The Plymouth Protector, others The Man who failed to Take Brazil to a World Cup… but most call me The Doctor. Today I am joined in the studio by 3 people making their debuts in the studio… Gino (Derby), Malcolm (Oxford) and Razzaque (Forest Green)."

Razzaque – “Thanks for having me… I knew this great day would come more so than even you Doctor. Now my first question is for Gino… tell us about the World Cup? Obviously I am the winner but to say you captured the imagination with your aged players, astonishing World Cup reports/results and the ‘I love Gino Phenomenon’ is an understatement… tell us about your experiences?”

Gino: “Best experience I have had since I crowd surfed at a one direction gig. The players were like fathers to me and I was the spoiled kid. They did everything I asked. The 'I love gino' stuff was well deserved as I put Portugal on the map.”

Malcolm: “Portugal?”

Gino: “I meant Paraquay… old age Im afraid.”

The Doctor: “Malcom, these first few months at Oxford some, including Accrington boss Rob Ryan, criticised you for not always being present at the Kassam, it was rumoured for example during one Oxford home game last season you claimed to be ill but Roman Abramovich tweeted a picture of him and you in the Swiss Alp skiing. Is this true? How do you respond to such accusations?”

Malcolm: “Those photo's are true, there was little to do early season due to the transfers bans of the previous boss. My chairman also want us to stash some cash in a Swiss high interest account.”

The Picture that caused chaos across Oxfordshire

Razzaque: “I too ski. Doctor… How is it going this season at Plymouth, obviously you cannot share how it will finish but at the moment we can all see that you will be there or thereabouts?”

The Doctor:  “We will win the league of course , Crewe manager will resign ”

Razzaque: “And me? Only joking… I do not want to know where I will finish… By the way Doctor on Wednesday your side played out a fascinating 3-3 draw at Mike T, Stevenage, it was reported by some that Mike and the Stevenage board refused a parking permit for the Tradis. Is this true? Did it have any bearing on the game’s outcome?”

The Doctor: “The game was brilliant wasn't it , yes they did refuse the tardis but I parked her covertly in invisibility mode on their goal line in the second half , she saved a couple of shots and is currently being scouted by Wigan.”

Malcolm: “Gino did you say you crowd surfed at a 1D gig? How have you taken the news?”

Gino: “What news?”

The Doctor: “Haven’t you heard?”

Razzaque: “That Zayn guy left… bigger news than Clarkson and Downton!”

Gino: “Really! #devastated #whowilllightmyworldnow

It appears the Zayn too was at the recent convention

The Doctor: "There, there Gino"

Gino: “Sherief you look a bit done in this morning no doubt as you have just arrived back from Costa Rica and that devastating defeat this morning with your new project, PMW was privately stunned that you left France to go to Macedonia? Why? What do you think you can realistically achieve in Macedonia.”

Razzaque: “Well, I'm dark skinned and fair spirited. It's time for someone else to have a crack at leading La Revolution, and I enjoy the challenge of downsizing. Also, I rather embarrassingly thought Macedonia was where those delicious Macedonia nuts came from. My witch doctor later told me they are Macadamia nuts, and grow in my own back yard in Australia...”

Razzaque at his Macadamia farm during a recent documentary for Canal +

Malcolm: “Gino… How did the op go? Did PMW come to visit like he said he would? Did you get any good gifts from the other managers?”

Gino:  “The op went well thanks, my surgeon is the best that money can buy. Yeah, the Prince turned up with Selena but I don't think I spoke to him. Selena was wearing this low cut top thing and she might not have big tits but they were bigger than PMW's. Only gift I got was a fleshlight from Broon. Plenty of get well cards from around the divisions though and thanks to everyone for that.”

The Doctor: “Razzaque, at Forest Green you have been quite shrewd in the loan market bringing in Div Two winners Brandt (Jimmy) and Bigrimana. How have they settled into your ‘strange’ set up?”

Razzaque: “Brandt and Bigirimana are black magic superstars all the way, despite Brandt being caucasian. We had a 'special ceremony' involving sacrificial Turkeys and they've played like men possessed ever since. Malcolm… tell us about this Oxford team you have built post-season 5? Who has shone the brightest so far this season?”

Malcolm: “Kevin Diks has been a revelation at right back for an 18 year old, all three loan players have been solid but despite all predictions Shay Given has kept many better strikers at bay so far.”

Gino: “What about Crewe Doctor? Alintop and Adebayor? Going great for them so far?”

The Doctor: “As I said earlier the Crewe managers days are numbered, I cannot go into details but next month is one to watch. Shereif, Last week Daniel Innes (Wycombe) claimed that prior to a match he didn’t allow his players to have sex at all but they were allowed to watch his Game of Thrones Box Sets. How about the pre-match routine in the Forest?”

Razzaque: “I never allow my players to have sex with each other. As you might recall, I'm mortified about Peter Stringfellow owning the club, and those mankini outfits he's kitted us out in. At Forest Green we're all about a natural high. Puff-puff pass, just like our tactical masterplan.

Gino: “Many greats that have sat in this studio, JV, Beddows, Hirst, not PMW or Broon for example praised how I got the best out of my 35 year old average aged Portugal squad at the World Cup… Malcolm… Given, Matterrazzi, Frafan… some of the other managers, namely Piero, Jens and Jair have had the audacity to question whether or not those players are young enough to even be in ‘Dad’s Army’ let alone on a football pitch? What do you respond to such accusations?”

Malcolm: “Haha , you ain't seen nothing yet , you all know I favour the older gentleman ,sure Farfan has broken his zimmer frame and Dejanovic needs to pop in his false teeth to do a Suarez but watch this space Capt Manwaring....”

Razzaque: “Gino, You and Broon are both unbeaten managers in Division One this season? Which team do you think has the mental strength to go the furthest this season?”

Gino: “Broon has the players to do it. We are overachieving again and I expect that bubble to burst. As long as we finish 17th or better then its a successful season. Broon has done well but he couldn't lace my slip ons.”

The Doctor: “Finally have we all done our Super Seven picks for tonight?”

Gino: “I can’t remember if I have or not!”

Razzaque: “The trip to Costa Rica took its toll and I did ask my personal secretary to sort it… not sure if she has or not?”

Malcolm: “No comment”

The Doctor: “Well, well that is all we have time for this week. I look forward to seeing you all next week…