279 Saturday Show Episode 7

The Doctor: “Good Morning guys and welcome to Episode 7 of the 279 Saturday Show, I am your host, The Doctor, back this week and today we are joined by Ted (Sheff Wed) and 2 debutants Shipp (Hull) and Cooper-Piero (Chesterfield), welcome guys everyone find the studio ok?”

Shipp: “Yes thanks Doc, quite handy for me actually I travelled up the River Trent all the way, as those not geographically challenged will know the Trent meets the sea at Hull. I have even brought some of my model boats for you all to see…”

Cooper: “No probs for me, straight down the A38, nice Shipp’s Ron. Do you guys mind if I use my app to translate everything into Welsh guys? ”

The Doctor: "Not at all Piero... we are an all inclusive team here at 279... no discrimination only banter."

Cooper: "Thanks Doc, that's Tidy that!"

Ted: “Ron great to ‘sea’ you here, amazing that the 279 authorities built an artificial lake just for you to arrive on your Shipp at the studio here in Burton on Trent. So Hull, 2nd season how is it going? Are you going to achieve your pre-season targets?”

Shipp: “No I don't think so, I think I took over Hull to late in the season last season, given more time I think I could have avoided relegation, but the Hull board aren't for sacking just ask Steve Bruce. My season in Div 2 has been compromised by the Crazy Coupe Cup, I am keeping under 21 players for that rather than swapping them for better older players so my goal is just to stay up.”

Cooper: “Doctor, you weren’t here last week, JV said you were stuck in Gold 1, excuses aside, JV was a great hit as host of the show as he always is… do you fear for your position as the show’s host? Broon (Tottenham) claimed that JV is funnier and more culturally intelligent than you? How do you respond to these comments?”

The Doctor: “No that's not true, I was having a break last week due to it being pizza week, it's very big in 2056, some of you might see it but JV won't as for my stand in being funnier with his stand up I welcome the challenge with open arms after all were all here for a bit of competition are we not.”

Ted: “Piero, some have come to call you the ‘nearly’ man in 279… a WC Final defeat to Razzaque’s France, losing in the play-offs last season… Have these setbacks influenced you in anyway at all? Have they led to you modifying your approach?”

Cooper: “Influenced me? No! Taught me a lesson... Defiantly! My new approach is now hoof it long everyone get forward and hope for the best, a bit like my good friend Sherwood is doing at the villa! Make the opposition look good is my new approach.”

Shipp: “Alexy Bossetti… tell us some more about him Doctor? He seems to be a key figure for you this season? Was it a difficult deal to complete? Rumour had it that Kinnear had him on his radar how did you convince him to come to ‘Home Park’?”

The Doctor: “Yeah Bosetti was always on our radar and we were glad to bring the lad in, cost us 6 million which is an expensive deal for us considering where we are at the moment but he's one for the future which I’ll not tell you about just yet let the now speak as 7 assists in 11 games does, nobody else bid when we did so I guess it was meant to be.”

Cooper: “So Ted you sat here in week 1 predicting a good season for yourself and hoping Sheffield United would be relegated. How true have these predictions become?”

Ted: “Well, as much as I respect Norman Little, it is always good to see the Blades struggle, and that's exactly what it's been like for them so far. We've not been good enough so far, but hopefully, this week has shown we can turn it around.”

Shipp: “Last season the most astonishing player in 279 was Nils Petersen at Blackburn, Beddows told me that it was he who recommended Daniele Ragatzu to you at Chesterfield. Is that true? Do you not have you own scouting system? Is Ragatzu really the next Petersen?”

Cooper: “Stephen and I have a great mutual understanding.. He tells me what to do and I do it! No I joke. I was new at chesterfield, there were Kim Jong-un Koreans everywhere and not a single Welshman in sight. Stephen is my chief scout and advised me to buy Ragatzu and so far it has paid off. He is a class act and Ragatzu ain't so bad either”

Ted: “Shipp, Who do you think in Division Two has the best chance of going all the way? What do you think of Crystal Palace’s latest double signing for example? Good Business?”

Shipp: “I think all from Southampton up have a chance as there is a long way to go. I think it remains to be seen to soon yet to judge on Palace.”

The Doctor: “So Shipp thinks even Ted has a chance, now Ted, recently your form has not been good and you have been moaning more than a bloke when his missus has told him that they are going shopping when the Manchester Derby is on… but you’ve turned it around this week what have you changed, if anything?”

Ted: “We sold Mehdi Carcela-Gonzalez as he was not good enough for us. Despite being lower rated than his fellow keeper Kawashima, Yoann Thuram has put in a couple of blinding performances to earn 2 victories, and cement the No.1 spot”

Powell recently dropped the Jap for the Frenchman - Big Decision?

Cooper: “Question for the Doctor, I am struggling in the Cozy Coupe Cup, your Plymouth side seem to be in free fall after a decent start? Are you finding the whole experience difficult? Is it true that you cheated as well on one occasion?”

The Doctor: “We are struggling a bit in the youth league I agree but it's more difficult with the team restrictions, I might have to take a few boys forward in the Tardis for a run out, I spoke to Zidane last week and he is keen on running the Plymouth midfield for a bit , watch this space , as for cheating I leave that to dirty gold 1.”

Ted: “Shipp, final question for you, Hull and the Cozy Coupe Cup, 4th at the moment (much better than The Doctor), are your lads enjoying the experience? How far do you think they can go? Which players have impressed you the most and do you see a big future for in the game?”

Shipp: “The lads are really having fun actually winning for a change, and getting some game time. Those who have impressed me the most are Jedvaj a future Superstar, sadly on loan, Kouassi and Remiti have surprised me as I only bought them to get up to enough under 21 players.”

Hull boss Shipp at training

The Doctor: “Ted, Last season I remember you lauded Rudnev’s for his Latvian impact on the club, same this season I see, yet I also read that you were none too happy after he and his family were snapped at a bowling alley with Pyatov and his family. Do you allow your Wednesday players to fraternize with the enemy? Did you have to have a quiet word?”

Ted: “Artjoms is a key player for us, and outside football, he can do what he wants (except cocaine). For me, I wouldn't touch Brammal Lane with a barge pole, unless I had a shotgun ready to hand...”

Shipp: "What about laughing gas?"

Ted: "Haha!"

Shipp: “I passed through Chesterfield on my sail boat the other day and I couldn’t help but notice Cooper that there were (and still are) a number of Koreans at the club, has the club chef had to adapt the club menu at the training ground and on matchdays? Clive (Burton) said that Razzaque (Forest Green) had told him that Frank (Tranmere) was concerned by the lack of stray dogs on the streets of Chesterfield, is this just a coincidence or is dog on the menu?” 

Cooper: “The local council have had to redo all the street signs now from English only to English, welsh and now Korean. You can't move for a kimchi in Derbyshire, honestly its really taken over in the town. We've had to hire 2 new chefs as well to accommodate the Korean lads, the 2 Korean chefs from Pheonix Nights, Ant and Dec we call them. Lovely lads make a mean dog stir fry! Beautiful.”

Cooper struggling as the sign yet to be translated into Welsh

The Doctor: That's all we have time for today, good luck in today’s matches and I shall see you all next week if you want me instead of JV.

Shipp: "Thanks for having me lads"

Cooper: "hwyl fawr to all!"