279 Saturday Show - Episode 5

The Doctor: “Good Morning everyone and welcome to Episode 5 of The 279 Saturday Show, today I am joined by Razzaque’s picture as always and another 2 new debutants Houdini (Cheltenham) and Grant (Cambridge) and one of our favourite 279 World Cup pundits makes a return, yes that’s right folks we have Lee (Peterborough) back amongst us. Welcome guys.”

Lee: “Thanks guys, sorry I am a little late, lack of parking at the studio… what’s with the rabbits?”

Grant: “Houdini here is quite a magician you know? He was showing me some great tricks while we were waiting for you… The Doctor didn’t seem interested though, he says magic is not as real as time travel!”

Houdini: “I did some great tricks though hey lads? Frist question to Grant: It has been reported that in recent weeks you were approached by Real Madrid and York City. Which of those two jobs was the most difficult to turn down? And why did you? Did your girlfriend refuse to leave Cambridge for Madrid?”

Grant: “Are you stupid Houdini? What one of the two jobs do you think would be the hardest to turn down? Let’s look at it, York City, Division 4 of the English League or Real Madrid currently in the top league in Spain with the best players in the world. Well if you really knew me then you’d know that the answer is York City, I like a challenge and going to Real Madrid would not be much of a challenge!”

Lee: “Well I know I’d go to Madrid! Doctor, A week of big goings on in Div 3, firstly Gramberg goes? Was this forseen? Avoidable? And this new guy, Deadman, a ‘dead’ good choice or will he lead them to another ‘dead’ end?

The Doctor: “Yeah I was surprised to see him go to be honest, I must have forgotten it would happen, either that or I overlooked it, I can't remember, the mind of a Time Lord can get rather full when you as old as I am, the new guy Deadman will do well but he should avoid the girl with red hair in costa!!

Grant: “Well I think I speak for Division 5 Wrexham fans all round if I said he is a dead man in North Wales. Lee, we haven’t seen you since the World Cup when Miss Posh was out gallivanting with the Americans. Didn’t she spend the night with Broon as well? Is everything alright now? Is Mr Posh still barred from the stadium? I did read somewhere about some rumours of you and Betty Brewer (Burton Albion mascot)? Are these true?"

Lee: “No, I loved the World Cup experience but have been concentrating on Division 2 with the Posh. Miss Posh loved her time out there she is now dating Landon Donovan apparently, haven’t seen her and she doesn’t attend games, gutted! Broon? Nah she said one whiff of his socks and seeing the flesh light was enough. Mr. Posh is back after rehab although I caught him with a Bacardi breezer after the Millwall game on Wednesday. He said it was his only tipple since coming out of rehab but he is going to his AA group tomorrow, and on Easter Sunday, that is dedication. Me and Betty Brewer are good friends but that is it she is 85 I believe.

Houdini “You turned down Betty Brewer? I heard she is the fittest gal in all Division 4 with magic hands and neat tricks! You idiot”

Reynolds and Betty. Are the rumours true?

The Doctor: “Talking of idiots, Houdini, Some managers labelled you as the guy with the ‘magic touch’ when you arrived back in December. However Rob Ryan of Accrington claimed in the local press that the only thing magic about your performance as manager of Cheltenham has been your ability to keep the fans turning up at Whaddon Road. How do you respond to these accusations?”
Houdini: “It’s very flattering of those to say so… and kind of Mr Ryan to take such keen and active interest in our little club...Our project is in the early stages, all the guys are trying hard to impress as the 1st team is not complete yet I'm sure that with a good run of results and not forgetting our recent climb to 12th and a 4 nil win and a half full crowd is a great place to start in this tough league To be a winner one has to look 'up' (from 12th) not down!!!!! “

Lee: “I find it strange you say such things about RR at Accrington, my BFF, Clive Short, speaks only kind words of his Div 4 rival. Dropping a Division a minute, Grant, last year it was all about Cameron and Jens… The fight to be leader. Who has impressed you the most out of your fellow Division 5 manager’s this season? Who has disappointed you? 

Grant: “So far this season I would have to say that the Barrow manager, David Muir, would have to be the shock of the season so far, that side finished 11^th last season and although he has only been in charge a short time the wheeling and dealing he has done so far has worked. If I can be honest I would that I have disappointed so far this season with the pressure of being favourites has got to me a little but we are only a few points off top spot so we are still in the hunt. If we can go on a run of point scoring by winning or taking points we will be back in business.”

The Doctor: “Good stuff Grant, I do feel that many of the 279 Sports Community, manager, staff and WAGs (and children) hope that it is Cambridge who will go up this season.

Lee: “A question for The Doctor… according to Daniel Rose at Yeovil there are Yeovil fans calling for your head, literally, (see Daniel Rose’ article below) after your David Villa comments… in fact it was privately reported by Razzaque to me that Rose had told him that Rassmussen (Huddersfield) had seen what looked like Cybermen outside the home dressing room at Home Park? Is this true? Have you taken any other measures to beef up security in the wake of these threats from the Green Army (Yeovil)?”

Houdini: “Can I be of any assistance Doctor with my magical abilities?”

The Doctor: “Haha children shouldn't play with cybermen, let alone illusionists Houdini! No I haven't seen any nor do I expect to, the last kicking they got off me was a little bit Vinnie jones with a splash of Duncan ferguson , I don't think I’ll see them for a looooooong while.”

Cybermen were reportedly seen outside the Home Park home dressing room. Is it true?

Lee: “I hate to call people liars but it appears if you are telling the truth Doctor that one of Rasmussen, Razzaque or Rose are liars! RRR?”

Grant: “So Division Two so far you (Lee) are performing admirably well, full credit to you, are you finding it marginally tougher? Any of the players failed to make the step up? Do you still look on The Doctor as a failure after you beat him to 2^nd place?”

Lee: “Life in Division 2 had started well but two 3-0 defeats have put things back in perspective that we have a lot of improvement still to do. I think in general they have all done well. As for The Doctor, mutual respect! Nothing more!”

The Doctor: “To Lee… all will be revealed in season 10. Pele has been arguably one of your best players this season Houdini, obviously he is not as good as his namesake… but communication must be a problem? In fact you have 18 different nationalities at the club? Do you have 18 translators in the dressing room at half-time?”

Houdini: “Pele's experience has been important for us as a team and his understanding with the younger players is increasing so we are hopeful for some more good performances. There are clearly no communication issues here as our main language here is football football football....and Portuguese for our Brazilian au pairs who live locally (this is Cheltenham after all!!) do a good job keeping up team morale. Maybe be next time our figures are checked Rob Ryan can pop in for a relaxing massage from our back room staff he clearly needs to take some 'personal time' as certain teams attendance numbers are amongst the lowest in the league !! Our tough talking chairman says 'he who lives in glass houses should get changed in the basement' Take note!! As our team evolves the philosophy will become the language we have faith in…”

One of the Brazilian Au Pair's who entertains the Cheltenham Players while off-duty

Lee: “Final question for you Houdini… You were responsible for the biggest deal in Cheltenham history with the acquisition of Robin ‘Hood’ Ramirez back in December. Then he was sold on despite scoring 6 goals in 10 games. Mistake? Or Good Business?

The Doctor: “Re Robin. Robin what a great guy and a good pro his contribution was a huge credit to him...but he kept parking in my space!!!...an I warned dat b***ch twice I AM HOUDINI I can make you disappear!!!! ahem with Robin's departure we were very excited to add players to our group, so I would say tough decision ,good business We'll keep building...If we build it they will come...”
Grant: “Doctor, one final question for you… the Division One Sack Race? What do you think? We all know that Frank IS FrankBet so what do you reckon of him labelling himself as favourite for the ‘Sack Race?”

The Doctor: “It's absolute GENIUS , I think I'm going to invite him round for some fish fingers and custard so I can introduce him to a few blokes I know who like a flutter , we could all do with a few extra quid here or there hey !? (Is this mic on)?”

Houdini: “Money, I could pull some money for you out of that hat there if you’d like?”

The Doctor: “No thanks Houdini, Lee, the Cozy Coupe Cup are you enjoying the experience? Any notable scalps so far? Do you realistically think you can finish Top 8 and qualify for the Youth Champions League? Which team do you think has stunned everyone?”

Lee: “Yes the Cozy Coupe has given the younger players game time. We have had a decent start and are confident of a top 8 finish. Our recent 6-2 win over Spurs was a highlight although the touchline spat with Broon wasn’t, I just labeled it down to the Scottish in him boiling in over and not down to my sprint and cartwheel celebration at the 6th goal. Lincoln and Forest Green have surprised everyone that’s credit to both managers and their attacking football.”

Reynolds with his Peterbrough Youth Side

Grant: “Are you sure the Miss Posh epiosde didn’t have anything to do with the spat?”
Lee: “Possibly”

Houdini: “Can I have the final question?”

The Doctor: “Is it a good one”

Lee: “I bet it is magical!”

Houdini: “Haha! To Grant, at the end of last season you sold arguably 2 of your best players. Including Fernandes Paulinho who actually scored quite a few goals? Are the side missing him? I did hear that Mrs/Miss Cameron was in tears when you broke the news of him leaving?”

Grant: “We did sell our two best players last season for cash flow purposes and Fernandes Paulinho was offered back to us on loan but we wanted to start afresh with a new team. At the moment I can’t be 100% sure that the team are missing him as we are scoring goals from all positions so far, what I would say is last season we relied on his goals too much. Yes, Mrs Cameron was in tears when I told her what was happening… but when we received the offer to take him back on loan from my good friend at Wigan and I said no… well her reaction was not pretty… she in fat threatened me with divorce.”

The Doctor: “Well folks, that all we have time for today, I must apologise but I have been told I am not going to be here next week, but do not fear as they will be a less worthy substitiute host sitting in for me… good luck in tonights games for league, Cozy Coupe Cup and those who have taken the time to do the Super Seven, I have already forseen that Frank Hirst (Tranmere) will share his predicitions with us shortly!”

Houdini: “Happy Easter everyone! Hope you get lots of Easter Bunnies J”