279 Saturday Show - Episode 6

JV: “Welcome everyone to Episode 6 of the 279 Saturday Show, The Doctor is not here today, off in Gold 1 I believe trying to rebuild Chelski… but do not fear for JV is here and today I am joined in the studio as ever with Razzaque’s portrait, Broon (Tottenham) on for the first time since pre-season and still needing a shave, and two debut pundits, RR, Rob Ryan (Accrington) and Parfitt (Cyrstal Palace), welcome guys.

Parfitt: “Thanks JV, an honour to be in such great company. I have the first question for Rob if that’s ok?”

JV: “Go ahead”

Parfitt: “Rob, RR, does it stand for Roger Rabbit, Rolls Royce? Anyway back to the real questions… play off heartbreak last season against Old Ed of Richmond and his Mansfield side? How did that affect you? Do you remember the moment the final whistle went? Did it take you a long time to recover?”

Rob: “RR stands for George RR Martin…as in the author… I bought some books along see… not quite finished mind… Down to some footie chat. In all honesty it was a surprise we made the playoffs last season, the experience put us in good stead for the new season and I feel we have gone on from there at a tremendous rate. I like to think with our long term aim of league one football inside 5 years that it actually worked out in our favour and it seemed to hinder Mansfield if anything. Afterwards I sat down with the chairman and formulated our future plans, we didn't really give the defeat much thought after that.”

JV: “Is that Game of Thrones? People keep talking about that? Good is it?”

Broon: “It is amazing, especially that Danerys Targaryen, I believe she once dated Frank… John, you have just got back from your trip to AZ last night, now aside from the football what else did you and the lads get up to? Didn’t you mention in an earlier programme something about the Cheese Market? Your thoughts?”

January edition of Entertainment

JV: “AZ: Regardless of the result....as you know, we are not really holding much interest in this euro competition....it is not in our interest squad wise with all the home competition this season… however, as an exercise in cultural terms it’s a blessed joy.....we had a fabulous cheese tasting yesterday, the lads were right up for it, we took our own crackers of course, you can`t beat a Jacobs cream one you know, we travelled light in team terms....so a lot of youth and a couple of old pro`s thoroughly enjoyed themselves....I think a few glasses of home brew washed it all down (keep that under your hat!).”

JV yesterday in Alkmaar with some of the cheese girls

Rob: “I’d love to sample Europe with Accrington, Parfitt, at Crystal Palace you followed in the steps of Kun Aguero (now Liverpool) and Dave T (now Arsenal) both 279 legends, yet you first achievement at Crystal Palace was relegation? How did this impact on your relationship with the fans?”

Parfitt: “Honestly, the fans adore me. The simple fact is that when I came in, the club was dead & buried. We got them turned around, and it was the most undeserved relegation in a long time. We were a mid table side last season that ended up going down because of issues before I came on to the scene. Stoke, Swansea, Leicester & Reading would all have been more deserving of a bottom 3 finish than us last season....”

Rob: “Question for John, tonight its back to the League where results have picked up, v Peterborough tonight and you only arrived back at Leeds-Bradford at 11.45pm last night… is this going to have any bearing? Can you fight on all fronts?”

JV: “As I’ve said before, this is an important season what with a promotion challenge and home cup games.....we are now in a position with a strong squad to rotate in these home competitions, barring multiple injuries, Gardner has just signed as well as Rosenior....we are going with a strong 5-3-2 system now, that has been decided, and with one other player to come in we shall be strong throughout the squad.....even Brunt has become more flexible in field positions now, and with the pacy and skillful Darmian, we have nice choices at the back and down the flanks.....all in all I`m much happier now than I was a week or so ago....as soon as the Euro thing is out of the way I will be even happier.”

Parfitt: “In the studio last week Broon we had the ‘almost’ great Lee Reynolds who claimed that you reacted angrily when he did a triple cartwheel in celebration at WHL when his side beat Spurs in the Cozy Coupe Cup… was this a spur of the moment reaction or something to do with his ‘ex’ Miss Posh rejecting you during the World Cup?”

Broon: “Well Tom, you know how it is in football, emotions run high and it was one of them moments where we as humans don’t mind being shat on but he was rubbing it in. As for his ex “Miss Posh” he can have her, all she is interested in is our bank accounts so if that’s the only way Lee can get a nice looking woman let him have his fun.”

JV: “Tom, Ted Powell at Sheff Wed claimed that you should never have been relegated with such a squad, yet Greg Owen at Southampton claimed that you got relegated just cus you wanted more competition and wanted to play against JV’s Leeds? Who is lying and who is correct?”

Parfitt: “Bottom line, nobody likes Leeds. We'd rather play Sunday morning park stuff than give Leeds the grace of our presence, but we are stuck with it now. Teds right, as I said before, there were more deserving candidates than us last season, and I genuinely believe that if had come in three games earlier last season, we'd be going to Anfield & Old Trafford rather than Barnsley and Leeds. On the bright side though, we visit London Road, home of football, Mecca to all things in the beautiful game, so every cloud I guess.”

Broon: “A question for Rob, your response to play-off heartache has been remarkable, the pundits pre-season predicted that you’d finish 8^th, but so far you are outperforming their expectations? Can you put last season’s wrongs to rights? And if so what have been the magic ingredients so far?”

Rob: “Once the plan was agreed upon we set about restructuring and I don't mind saying we did tremendously well in the transfer market. I feel we have a solid spine when at full strength with arguably the best GK in the division, a great loan deal in Dier, my new captain Bolzoni has been an inspiration both on and off the field, Niasse gets better every time I see him and the cherry on top is Ifran, well let’s just say we turned heads with that acquisition. So no magic just hard work and focus on the task ahead.”

Rob Ryan and Eric Dier

JV: “Great stuff, RR, those double initials would actually have Razzaque believing in Black Magic at play in all honesty. Broon, Back to your league form now, pretty decent start, better than Frank for example, how far could this Tottenham team go? Could you actually be the first manager in years to take them into the Top 4 and that prize of Champions League football?”

Broon: “There would be nothing I would love more Jonny boy, taking them to the dizzy heights of Champions League football. That’s the minimum aim. Of course we want to win the league but with it being full of great managers it’s hard to do, but that’s our main goal, and until we mathematically cannot we will be fighting, so will the fans if we don’t win it right enough and we want to avoid that so it will be better for all involved if we do win the league. Do I think we can win it? Yes of course I do, especially after pumping Kunal’s Liverpool 6-1 Mid-week (as “move bitch get out the way” plays in the back ground)”

Rob: “Tom, some say you share a resemblance to Santa, others Nostradamus, I personally think it is Karl Marx, do Marx’s socialist ideals impact on your approach to management? If so do all of your players earn the same amount, because Andre Gray spoke to The Doctor (Plymouth) claiming that Aduriz (34 years old) was on much more than him? Is this true?”

Parfitt: “Is there complete equality in any squad? I don’t think off the field stuff affects my approach. My job is to set the lads up to win games, not set them up for a new Ferrari. Arduriz does take home a bit more than Andre Gray, but that said, Andre isn’t struggling to pay his gas bill. Well actually he is, but that’s more to do with that whole white powder & ladies of the night thing that I can’t talk about. When Andre knuckles down, sorts himself out & starts knocking a few away, goals, not the other stuff, then I’m sure he'll get a few more quid.”

Palace Boss Parfitt and Bolasie

JV: “Clint Dempsey, Tomas Rosicky, a few weeks ago we had Division Four’s Dad’s Army boss Mister Malcolm in the studio, some, not naming names, but actually PMW, Fred and Chris Johnson have said Tottenham are Division One’s Dad’s Army and that they won’t have the legs for the fight and will all be needing hip replacements come the half-way point. How do you respond to this Broon?”

Broon: “I don’t really think that PMW is in a position to talk about anybody’s club at the moment being relegation candidates n all, but they have said in the past you can’t win anything with kids and look what happened, plus if Dempsey and/or Rosicky start to feel a little jaded, well we have plenty young cover in Januzaj, Bruma & Jorginho to step up to the plate suckaaaaas. COYS!!”

Rob: “Last time you were here JV you spoke about how you and Drogba like to Jam on the team bus. I can’t help but be disappointed with Drogba’s return this season as a neutral… not as many goals as you would have liked surely? How do you plan to rectify this?”

JV: “Didier....yes,he is adapting to life at Leeds....a bit different from the sunshine we got him from! Listen: in terms of quality and what he offers the squad in terms of experience we could not be happier.....everyone loves him here, he is more than helpful with the youth squad and that is a side we were not expecting.....Maraudes has been learning a few tricks from him! ....his contribution all round is invaluable.....better than his singing and guitar playing as I have now found out!”

Broon: “Rob we can’t let you go without addressing this issue of you being the Division 4 gossip. In episode 5 it was reported that you claimed Houdini was not magic, in episode 4 you accused Mister Malcolm of not being present at his home games and going skiing with Roman… who are you next targets? What other gossip do you have about your fellow Division 4 managers? Innes, Piero, Short or Golden Bear? What gossip to have on these guys?”

Rob: “Not sure where you’re going with this one: Houdini, well first I would like to go on record as saying that I would never criticise attendances, we are a small club and I need to increase turn out from the fans too, but magic, no, there's enough of that down at AFC Wimbledon. On top of that I have great respect for most managers in the game, this is a tough enough job at the best off time but, I would like to bring a special mention to the dirty tactics of a certain manager down at Oxford who deliberately sends on a 37 year old has been on to the field of play with the purpose of taking out my star man, it took him 24 seconds and he only saw yellow, I`ll save refs for another time though.”

Parfitt: “Refs were the reason we actually got relegated! Bloomin things! I propose we suggest video technology for SM!”

Broon: “Here here Parfitt! I’ll second that…”

JV: “I think we have had enough revolutions already Tom without you starting another… let’s keep the game as it is… thanks for everyone’s time this morning and good luck in tonight's games and don’t forget to play SUPER SEVEN if you have chance!”