"Defection is an ugly word considering we're bankrolled by North Korea. However, there are no misunderstandings in this business. I was at Villa Park, at Paul Lambert's request. He needs all the help he can get in the attacking third."
"Personally, I've never had trouble scoring, and I include my football exploits when I say that," boasted Razzaque.
"In addition to imparting my unparallelled footballing knowledge, an added benefit was that I got to confirm an issue that has vexed me for some time. I asked Villa's owner whether his actual name was Randy Lerner. I mean, who wouldn't want having someone like that around?"
It was at that moment that one of the Tamworth staff reminded Razzaque of the club's newly implemented "Innuendo Policy", prompting Razzaque to end his impromptu pow-wow.
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