279 Saturday Show - Episode 9

JV: “Good Morning guys and welcome to Episode 9 of the 279 Saturday Show, I am your host JV, the coolest presenter in 279 according to Beddows’ daughter and today in the studio we welcome back Clive (Burton) for the first time since Episode 2 back in the middle of March, Johnson (West Brom) making his debut and another debutant pundit DP, no not double penetration as Frank thought, but Dan Payne of Notts County as unfortunately Maurizio from Bournemouth cancelled on us at the last minute.


DP: “Thanks JV, question for Clive; another division 4 manager Mister Malcolm claimed last season and repeated in this very studio that Div 4 is the easiest league to get out of. However looking at the league table it appears really tough at the moment, very tight and many very active, very good managers. Who in your opinion will get out of it this year and can Burton do it?”

Clive: “A well respected time traveller from Div 3 told me that Fleetwood will get out of division 4, all be it into Division 5. As for the other end it's tighter than a nuns front bottom so what does this Mister Malcolm know? Unless the same time traveller has had a quiet word with him too. We've had a decent start and I fully expect us to be up there come the end of the season but need the chairman to dig his wallet from his arse so we can get a few more numbers. Looking at how Tranmeres' season has gone so far I may get Frank Hirst in to speak with my squad to warn them how quickly success can turn to misery.”

Chris: “JV, I didn’t read the whole article myself but in the PMW exclusive in Tuesday’s Daily Star (see below) he claimed “I am better than JV” how does this make you feel? Are you gunning for him and counting down the days till when you reach the promised land and prove him wrong?”

PWM spoke exclusively to the Daily Star claiming he was better than JV

JV: “First off, Prince MW....first class young man, top manager, worries too much about his appearance and not many people know this… likes to wear odd socks, I think it’s some sort of superstition thing, strange....just like his outdated fashion sense, mind you, i`m hardly one to talk on that now am I....although, that said, I know he models himself on me, which is where of course we come to the question....is he better than JV? Stands to reason that someone who looks at another with so much admiration will find himself being compared, and this is where he has got it all wrong....his track record is modelled on my management style and its blindingly obvious that he can only dream of being better than me....truth is, he stands in my shadow on all matters, my opinions, my style, my choices, my class....the lad is fooling no one, apart from himself.....i`m sure his time will come one day.....he needs a few more lessons first. Keep watching and learning young man!

DP: “Odd socks… I might try that one”

PWM spotted out in Newcastle - check out his socks - Does JV dress better?

Clive: “Chris, great to finally see you in the studio, I hear you’ve been banging on about it for ages, 21 games in, roller coaster so far at West Brom, fellow Div. 1 Derby manager Kinnear described you as an ‘unlucky charm’ and that WBA should ‘get rid’ following his side’s victory against you on the opening day. Have you proved Gino wrong?”

Chris Johnson pointing the finger at Gino earlier this season

Chris: “Well considering the 4 games we have lost in the league have all been by the odd goal 3 games (0-1 ) and 1 game (1-2) yes I would say that was “unlucky”, however we all know that this is a very competitive league with great managers who have earned their reputations within the SM Industry, its never nice to hear a fellow professional (Kinnear) hinting a manager should be dismissed of their duties, we have conceded the least goals in the league which proves we are tough to beat and we also did something Gino couldn’t do and gained a victory against the champions Manchester United so to me that erases all memories of the opening day defeat and hopefully come the final day Gino will be proved totally wrong.”

JV: “So DP, Notts County eh… good job the studio is only in Burton, did you come on your boat? But more importantly why did you leave Nuremburg so quickly? Can’t have been for the money? Was it the thought of seeing Malcolm and Houdini twice a season?”

DP: “Unfortunately the boat didn't make the trip across the channel from Germany, Nuremberg forced me to leave it as compensation to get out of my contract with the club. A strange form of compensation for a landlocked city but we know these Germans can be efficient buggers.
We had some disagreements in Nuremberg. I'd hoped to take up residence in Kaiserburg Castle which lead to a dispute, however Notts County overheard about this and convinced me by allowing me to stay Nottingham Castle. I'm all about the home comforts you see and I've had the lad's in to clear the moat, bit of strengthening and conditioning training you know. Malcolm's sitting pretty at the top of D4 currently and I wouldn't expect that to change but it will be great to put Oxford in their place later this season. They've got some fancy University and now some fancy old manager to fit the bill. I've never met nor seen Houdini, seems to pull some kind of disappearing act whenever I'm around.”

New home of DP - Nottingham Castle - Shaun Harrad claims DP is calling himself The Sherief

Chris: “Clive, obviously there was that picture in the newspaper of you and Lee in the same bed with Miss Posh in the middle. Was that for real or an attempt by a rival using photoshop to upset the apple cart at the Pirelli, who would do such a thing? If it was for real has it ruined or improved yours and Lee’s relationship?”

Clive: “I saw the picture and thought it was very funny. Someone at the Peterborough E.T is clearly very stupid though if they thought that was real. I mean, Lee is no where near as thin as he appears in that photo. Although I do vaguely remember a cheap night out at the dogs once. Or was it with a dog? Who do I think is behind it? I have my suspicions but I'm not mentioning his name as I got into trouble with my chairman last time me and Beddows had verbals through the media. Oops! And no, there's no issue between me and Lee over the pic. But I have been trying to recruit Miss Posh to become the new and improved Betty Brewer so I'm expecting an angry phone call soon.”

DP: “JV, what do you think of Wigan’s signing of Charlie Austin? Great coup for such a small club. Do you expect Wigan to trouble Leeds at all this season?”

JV: “Outstanding player, someone who has been on my radar, unfortunately the chairman has shut his wallet for the time being so I could not get a bid in for him......i`m sure he will do well for them, but, as you are asking if Wigan will be up there and troubling us....they would do well to do so....maybe a play off place at a push, I wish them luck and will be monitoring Austin’s performances as the season goes.”

Clive: “Winning at Manchester United, wow! What a day for West Brom, some WBA fans groups took to twitter and Instagram despondent at your lack of celebrations… in fact you almost seemed upset? Talk us through that. Have the fans forgiven your lack of reaction?”

Chris: “It certainly was a fantastic evening our away fans were superb I’ve never heard the Stretford end be outsung throughout 90 minutes before so that was a moment I will treasure, of course everybody knows that Manchester United are my boyhood club and everyone associated with the Baggies respects that, they know when I come up against them I will give all I have to gain victory with my West Brom side as they come first of course and the performance by the lads was top class. I did celebrate with the lads in the dressing room after the match, we had a few glasses, and Sir Alex popped in and congratulated us which was a real confidence booster so yeah I think all is forgiven as long as the lads continue to work hard on the pitch and get results the fans will be rewarded come the end of the season.”

JV: “Question for DP… your predessecor, Calcal… didn’t stay too long? What have the lads said… someone (Razzaque in Div 3) mentioned something about a bust up with between the manager and Shaun Harrod and Roy Carroll over a team outing to Bosworth Battle field? What have the lads told you?”

DP: “Pretty hypocritical after my <24 stint in Germany this week however I've never seen this Calcal stick at a club for more than a season, must not have the stomach for it. There was a bit of a bust up, I walked into the training ground yesterday to hear about Roy not allowing Shaun to borrow a smoke. It's clear to me standards have dropped here in recent times and it’s about time that one of England's oldest football clubs put’s itself back on the footballing map. I may be the king of the castle but Roy and Shaun will not be allowed to be the court jester’s under my rule and have been given fines. Otherwise we had a good fitness session at Bosworth, with the clubs training facilities undergoing a bit of building work it was the best we could do.”

JV: “Clive, as for Burton’s season since we last spoke there has been a vast improvement in your fortunes. Which players have impressed you most, Concha, Baez, Torres or Gudjohnsen?”

Clive: “Baez and Concha have been the stand out players so far. Baez getting in the team of the week 4 times which was over looked by the person who picks them but I hold no grudges. I've guaranteed him a week away with Miss Posh if he gets 20 goals. But if he doesn't it's a week in Mansfield eating shit. In all honesty given it's pretty much a whole new team to that from last seasons epic failure they've all impressed in how quickly they've gelled. That's down to my coaching staff, the players and something no other team in the entire 279 has. And no I'm not telling you what that is.”

Burton Albion star set for a session with Miss Posh if his form continues... what will Lee and Broon say?

DP: “Final question for you Johnson, since you have arrived very little activity in the transfer market but one such arrival has been Kalou, How has he settled in at the Hawthorns? Is he a good trainer? Hard worker? Has he experience been of a benefit to the younger players?”

Chris: “When I first joined the chairman informed me that unfortunately the budget was very tight for the season with around £17 million made available, Salomon Kalou and Alfred Finnbogasson were available at the time and I believed they would be a big improvement to the squad, both have settled extremely well into life at the Hawthorns however Alfred is nursing a Shin Injury at the moment which is a big loss, Salomon knows the league well and his experience has proved vital on the field and in the dressing room, he is a great professional on and off the pitch and has matured dramatically since his early days even his dress sense has improved where some of his casualwear would have given Mario Balotelli’s wardrobe a run for its money so overall I couldn’t have asked for more from him he has transformed into a great tutor to the young lads in the squad (No Airsoft Guns have been used as we are not like that mob who train at Cobham!)

JV: “So DP tell us about your master plan for county? Do you have any blueprints in place? Some say you are on a 30 day rolling contract surely that cannot be true? What are your priorities transfer wise?”

DP: “Rumours are true once again that I’m on a 30 day deal with County which doesn't leave much time to try to put the club back on the mantle however I believe we’ve made some great progress already, however Hayden Mullins and Gary Jones didn’t make training today having both fallen at Bosworth Battle field with a bit of gout.  It’s probably best we move them on as soon as possible which is basically the transfer plan, move the plagued on and hope for the best. Before that though the old castle’s looking pretty dated so we’ll need to do some decorating.”

Clive: “So JV, Unbeaten in 7/8 matches now in all competitions including a 7-2 mauling of Barnsley, what is the mood like in the camp? Who have been your key additions? Do they believe they can put last season’s wrongs to right?”

JV: “Yep, we are on a good run, and after Wednesday night we stand at an unbeaten 8/9 in all competitions, and, as you can imagine we are all upbeat and focused....the team is performing well all over, its a squad rotation theme here and everyone is motivated and working hard to play for the team, we like to keep everything and everyone fresh, so that we can give 100% in all departments. Key additions to last season have been Datolo, who has started finding his feet and is rolling the ball about the park, King Drog has great stats and is chillin` out! Balde, Didot and Craig Gardner all deserve a mention as well, as you can see from the table, we are heading in the right direction and we have the tools and the commitment, each game is a test, but one we are more than equipped to handle.......now where is that young rogue PMW....I WANT TO KICK HIS ARSE!!

Clive: “Guys that is all we have time for today, hope you enjoyed it… next week the Doctor will continue on his Gardening Leave’ with Frank, yes Frank hosting the show, I do believe PMW might be in as well as apparently he has been wondering why he hasn’t been asked back as of yet! Bye”