In scenes which resembled that of a Yorkshire hotel with Jeremey Clarkson in it the 279 Sat'day show for this week has been cancelled due to an internal investigation which alledgedly surrounds the inability of the presenters and producers to meet the needs of the guests.
It is said that Golden Bear (York) was due to make his debut on the show and that his advisors had been keen to point out that it was necessary that an ample supply of marmalade sandwiches be provided for Golden Bear.
However upon arriving at the studio via helicopter after filming a documentary in which Golden Bear drives fast cars and talks like an idiot he was stunned when The Doctor (Plymouth) had to deliver him the bad news via phone from the Tardis. "Golden Bear we are sorry but we do not have any marmalade sandwiches today, but we do have egg!"
What happened next cannot be reported for various legal reasons but it is believed that Golden Bear flew into a rage... talking of how much he hated egg and how it was not 'ACCEPTABLE' and did the Doctor 'not know who he was...' What happened next shocked everyone including another guest scheduled to be on the show Daniel Innes (Wycombe).
"It was like a scene out of a horror movie, the studio was smashed to smithereens, Razzaque's picture torn apart, I was cowering underneath the desk for my life, the other guest Frank Hirst (Tranmere) trying to calm him down but it was no use... and The Doctor... Well he flew away in his Tardis...completely irresponsible." Frank Hirst who was also present explained the consequences of the incidient for the 279 Sat'day show:
"Well we just couldn't do the show without Razzaque's portrait, I mean he is loved everywhere apart from Macedonia... Golden Bear eventually calmed down and he is now seeking counselling... the show should be back next week when the Producer is less busy... more than likely with the same guest list..."
"We have recruited Gino and Broon to redecorate the studio in time for next week."
Reports that The Doctor had been severely injured in this unprovoked bear attack have been strongly denied by the Plymouth board, who stated that rumours that he'd been spotted in a 1586 Elizabethan hospital to be completely untrue!
In defence of Golden Bear, he merely wanted to dispel the myth that bears shit in the woods.
ReplyDeleteAlas, the Sat'day crew ate vindaloo for lunch and exhausted the toilet paper supply.
GB merely reached for the first thing he could get his hands on, which happened to be my portrait.
I've been told I give people the shits quite often, actually...
On a brighter note, I had a dream in which I was torn apart by UK "actress" Kerry Louise (ahem)....
She's quite.... talented.
I CANT BELIEVE THIS!! SMH. One of the first unwritten rules (will now be one of the written rules) is DON'T work with children or ANIMALS. You have just seen what can happen. Ask Michael Parkinson who tried to work with a certain bird. This is unacceptable and I expect heads to roll.
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