279 Saturday Show - Episode 10

Frank: “Welcome one and all and all and one… this is the 279 Saturday Show – Episode 10 (has it really been 10 weeks?) – And I am your host Frank Hirst, with The Doctor still on Gardening Leave, JV declining to host the show when he say the guestlist and Beddows away on a super-secret international mission I have kindly agreed to step-in… So the guests, this week I am joined by PMW (Newcastle), Mark Deadman (Coventry) and Reg (Kidderminister), welcome guys.”

Deadman: “Great to be here, nice studio.”

PMW: “Thanks Franco, Deadman, first question when you came to power at the Ricoh you spoke to the press and mentioned a strict fitness regime, last week another new manager, DP spoke of training on Bosworth Battlefield. What fitness regime do you have in place?  Results suggest it hasn’t worked so far?”

Deadman: “Fitness was a real issue and although that has improved we need to step up another gear. From last week the players are spending 2 days a week with Coventry Godiva Harriers. If results don't improve some players will be for the high jump literally. Also I am sending the players to a local hypnotist show on Friday evening. Hoping some of the players will be hypnotised into thinking they are Lionel Messi(s) for the next game.”

Deadman training with the Harriers - Amelia in the lead and Fleck second.

Frank: “Reg great to see you again but I am a little concerned when we saw you back in Episode 3 you were smiling… you don’t look so happy today. Why is that Reg? Is it due to your relationship with Roy Chubby Brown/Herr Flick or something else?”

Reg: “Having a bit of disagreement with the chairman recently, tight so and so. When I took over he promised me the world, at the moment he says he can’t even afford to buy me a coffee. He says he is trying to get some investors in but we shall see, not sure many people even know where Kidderminster is to be honest, I get lost on my way to training for God’s sake…”

PMW: “My chairman is a little like that… some of the fans even dislike him”

It appears Mike Ashley is not liked by 'some' fans but they do love PMW

Deadman: “PMW, nice socks you have by the way today… anyway great, yet odd interview with the Daily Star the other week, (see below) but JV reacted in an unusual self-complimentary way shall we say, what did you make of his comments in Episode 9?”

PWM: “JV's a lovely lad and great coach but he knows nothing of fashion, you see him the other day in the papers wearing that hanky on his head? Anyway the photo of me wearing 'odd socks' was obviously photoshopped, it looked strange, you could clearly see the color on one sock had been altered.”

Reg: “Frank, the man of many talents and many opinions, Clive Short, took a swipe at you last week saying your season has been a disaster… but a decent recovery… tonight you face a struggling Leicester side at home? 3 points? Have you analysed Leicester at all?”

Frank: “I understand Clive’s frustration, the guy set himself up for a great escape last season and FAILED to get them over the line. Although in saying this, I hope he doesn’t FAIL again in his push for promotion back to division 3! Anyway…coming back to tonight…John has done a decent job with what he has at Leicester and has picked up results against some very strong sides like City & Newcastle, but I feel at home we should have enough to put them away!”

PMW: “Reg… Ferreria-Carrasco – been excellent for you this season in terms of average performance, yet a distinct lack of goals from him? Is this a concern? Have you considered seeking medical advice? I hear that Razzaque could do some magic to help him find the magic touch?”

Reg: “carra is top draw, a real class act. We are delighted Atletico Madrid let us have him on loan. His goal tally is no problem to me, his work rate makes up for it. Just look at him play, he is magical, much more than Razzaque is. Anyway I had heard he was available to offer some help if carra needed it, that guy does make me laugh.”

Razzaque pictured covertly by Joe Jordan doing a pre-match ritual only last weekend

Frank: “Question for you Deadman… Carlton Cole… by far one of your better players so far this season, yet he is unhappy? Can you elaborate as to why he is unhappy? Does the club canteen not offer him baked bear? Are you set to rectify the situation or will you move him on, even though the likelihood of finding a buyer being almost ‘nil’?”

Deadman: “Carlton had not played any games when I arrived and his fitness like many others was an issue. He is a quality player, but like many strikers if not scoring goals his confidence is low (I hope he will be hypnotised on Friday). I also should add the service to him has not been great. Any long term decision on his future will be made by the Chairman and myself. As i said when I arrived we need to ensure that the club remains on a sound financial footing.

Reg: “Dreadful start to the season PMW… what was all that about? Dressing room discontent? And your team discipline is horrendous, 3 reds, 19 yellows, some managers such as Kinnear and Gerritt have claimed that your players are like a pack of lions at a zebra party and you have no control over them whatsoever?”

PMW: “3 reds, 19 yellows? sounds like my sock drawer (lol). I've told the lads to get stuck in, and yes, they have, we need to show teams we're no pushovers, I'll not change our style, more cards will follow, especially against Mr Kinnear and Gerrits teams!

PMW - Family Portrait - PMW is 3rd one along

Deadman: “Frank, tell us a little about the big decisions you have made this season to turn things around, particularly Skrtel, he is obviously less cultured than yourself but what impact have he and the other players had on the dressing room, a dressing room of European champions may I add.”

Frank: “I think our season changed the day we brought in Martin (Skrtel), Gylfi (Sigurdsson) & Salvatore (Bocchetti), our Season was in real trouble, but since these boys have joined we have won 4 out 6 and Bocchetti has made team of the week on 3 of those 6 occasions! Martin has come straight in as Captain, with Totti playing less games now due to his age, I think this was the correct decision!”

Deadman: “PMW… So a nice mid-season break for you and the lads, interrupted by a Champions League trip to Celtic, tell us about what the lads got up to in Brazil and then Glasgow only 48 hours later and more importantly how will you beat Chelsea at the Bridge tonight, I mean even Beddows beat them?”

PMW: “Well the Celtic game wasn't an interruption, we'd already qualified for the knock out rounds so I sent a weakened team and 'Buckets' (McGaughy, assistant coach) to Glasgow, they lost, but who cares. Me and the rest of the boys enjoyed the Brazilian experience and are fresh and smooth, and I love it, LOVE IT, now we're ready for the 'blue Man U'.”

Frank: “Reg, final question for you, the Cozy Coupe Cup… Are you still enjoying the experience? Which of your lads has impressed upon you the most?”

Reg: “Any competition is a good competition, gives the young guys a chance to perform and be ready for when their chance comes for the first team had some guys really perform both in the Cozy Coupe Cup and when in the first team. Burgui, Eduardo and Fountas have been revelations for us.

PMW: “Deadman you play Brentford tonight after drawing 0-0 with them back on 20^th April. What did you learn from that one? And more importantly what changes will you make to ensure 3 points for the Sky Blues tonight?”

Deadman: “Yes PMW, we do play Brentford tonight and the last match between us was poor fair to the paying public. Although we dominated the possession we again lack the scoring touch. Brentford are very strong in midfield and we need to win that battle and ensure our midfielders get forward more often to support the strikers.”

PMW:  “Frank, as you know I am not normally one for controversy but quite a controversial one this… But Plymouth are playing very well AGAIN. Do you think the Doctor might be tampering with the future by going back to it in the past? Bossetti for example incredible? Do you sense foul play or is there just something in the water?”

Frank: “I’ve known the Doctor for quite some time, but not as long as he’s known me, I mean it wasn’t a fluke that I won the CL last season and he’s already told me where I’m going to finish this season so I have no worries! Regarding Bosetti, he’s been a great capture for Plymouth, but as I say, I’ve known The Doctor long enough to know that he likes to challenge himself and hence he doesn’t look into the future of his own team that’s coming from the horses head…erm, I mean mouth…”

Reg: “Time travel to fix the results? Surely not?”

Deadman: “Cheat… Cheat… Get him out!”

PMW: “Let’s wait and see what The Doctor has to say…”

Frank: “Well I like the Doctor… he has always helped me by predicting and influencing opponent injuries for a fee… oh sorry I meant a beer… anyway that all for this week… until next week.”