World Cup 2015 - The Pundits View Group Game 1

Early this morning as the sun was rising in Rome 279 regulars JV and The Doctor were joined by Broon and Lee Reynolds who’d just arrived in Italy and flew in from Lampedusa where he’d arrived after taking a boat trip from North Africa with his Algerian players.

JV: “Well guys that was one hell of a night of World Cup football… I don’t even know where to begin but for me my best pal Kinnear. Wow… who’d have seen that result coming?”

The Doctor: “I thought the first half was quite boring to be frank… but that last 10 minutes were amazing, firstly Belgium made it 2-1 and then Paraguay scored twice, yes twice to win it 3-2. Cardozo getting the winning goal in the 87th minute.”

Broon: “As a proud Scot I just had to watch my beloved Argentina but it was quite a routine game and win. I was impressed though and next up is Morocco and I think we should be through tonight quite easily. I also had one eye on Germany who were equally impressive stopping a potent Uruguay attack they will be one to watch.”

JV: “I was stunned by Beddows’ defence of Ronaldo’s dive for the second penalty… if that was a real penalty then Sepp Blatter is 100% sane! Portugal were poor though. I hope Ecuador get something against a good Chile side and Jamaica perform some sort of miracle… but if not no problem…. What did you guys think of Albania’s boss Mister Malcolm’s claim that France could win it?

Broon: “IF France were to win this thing it will be because of their players and not their manager. He is a little too ‘doo lally’ to achieve something that great! But back to last night Benzema was immense.”

Reynolds: “That’s a little harsh Broon, sure Razzaque appears to not always be able to see the wood for the trees but in my opinion Huddo who bounces around talking about kangaroos or Beddows who bleats on about Petersen all the time are far more ‘doo lally.’ I actually have just got back from watching Huddo vs my great friend Clive what did you all think of that one?”

The Doctor: "I think Short must be delighted... and now I am certain of a draw between Germany and Austria tonight... It is the 'Anschluss' all over again. Talking of the 1930's did anyone see PWM 'banging on' about the ref in the N.Ireland - Italy game. Didn't he refer to the ref's performance as being reminiscent to the ref's performance in the 1938 World Cup final?

Broon: "I never knew PMW was that old! Joking aside PMW 'bangs on' about a lot of things. I must say when the nice hotel waitress bought me my newspapers this morning and I had to chuckle at the front page of the Belefast Telegraph. However N.Ireland did well and his 'small man syndrome' approach will work wonders tonight against the mighty Russia. Did any of you see the front of 'The Moscow Times' this morning.... "

JV: "I didn't, no. But I read 'The Kiev Express' which was reporting Putin's threat that he would move tanks to the Irish border if PWM doesn't let Russia win tonight. LOL. All for laughs I imagine, Putin does try to see the funny side of things doesn't he? What about those Czechs eh? The Doctor said it yesterday didn't he? I hope there was no time traveling involved in his 'understanding?'

Reynolds: "Je M'appelle Falcao (Cooper) was great. You could just tell from the first whistle and the pride with which they sang the new Czech National anthem (a combination of Welsh/Czech) that they were up for it. I do not know what Hillard has been doing this last few days with them but they just weren't either physically or mentally prepared. And they face might Slovenia tonight. Where are we all off to tonight? And I wonder where Berlosconi will be?"

JV: "I'm off to Turkey v France. Apparently Razzaque has been ceremoniously culling live turkey's this morning and beaming it live to Turkish television... Nice bloke... Huge match for Gardiner though who will surely walk if they fail to beat the French. Not sure about Berlosconi though he seems to be everywhere, Wembley on Monday, Germany v Uruguay last night. What about you Broon? Argentina again?"

Broon: "Actually no... I'm going to scout some players for Sprus and watch Shipp v Kinnear... top of the table clash in group C... Ivory Coast v Paraguay, both were really impressive last night and I'm expecting a great game."

The Doctor: Well I'm off to 'Friend's' game. Montenegro v Croatia... Alldridge will be hoping that with Jovetic then can get something to delay the inevitable... will definitely have one eye on  Chile v Ecuador though, you have to feel it is a bigger match for Hirst than Chile."

Reynolds: "I naturally will be at Germany v Austria. In fact Short has invited me and Miss Posh to give a motivational speech to his side before the game. I was invited by Dodger to watch Slovenia v Spain but Miss Posh said that she prefers David Alaba to Pique..."

The Doctor: "Well I guess that is all we have time for this morning lads. Any plans for the rest of the day? Sightseeing? Any recommendations?"

Broon: "I am flying down to Naples to be honest to go and see the Diego Maradona museum!"

JV: "I personally have a meeting with his holiness Jorge and plan to advise him not to cheat anymore."

Reynolds: "Good lad JV"

The Sherief of Notre Dame sets Where's Wally World Cup Record

France 1st Team Coach, Sherief Razzague yesterday called upon the French fans travelling to the World Cup opener vs Albania to turn up dressed as 'Where's Wally' to set a World record of most Where's Wally's at a Sporting event...

Aaron MC reporting from the Germany camp!

Ahead of the World Cup being staged in Italy, Aaron MC remains optimistic surrounding his squad full of star players, Of course he will have that mind set of winning every game but some strange things can happen in the footballing world, a few results in the past have shocked the nation but Aaron MC remains calm and upbeat about his side, Reporting from Messina, Italy here is what the Germany coach had to say about this years World cup:

''My team are working hard in training to keep the full fitness to try and outstretch our next opponent, Austria. This team is world's best with young prospects shining through our ranks such as Julian Draxler/Max Meyer, they will become the next Messi and Ronaldo! There's a long long way to go but it will happen, I am looking forward to this years tournament, I urge for the Germany fans to get behind their team and cheer on their nation. of course we are confident but let's see what happens!'' 

Reports have suggested that the Germany squad went on a road trip around Italy to explore the amazing beaches and bars just before their game against Austria tonight at the Stadio San Filippo. Austria have the likes of David Alaba, Christian Fuchs and Martin Harnik which will be a threat but Hummels, Lahm, Howedes will be on top of their game tonight so Austria will find it tough.

                       

  The Germany squad had a chilled evening enjoying a few pints on this beach in Naples,Italy


After the 2-0 victory against Uruguay at the Stadio San Filippo the Germany coach gave his verdict on the pitch side talking to the pundits in the studio

''Uruguay played really well against a well organised Germany team, They should walk away from this result with their heads held high and be proud of themselves, got a few games to go and I'm sure they will qualify to the next round, but on the other hand Germany had a good game and have 2 games to spare to grind out some results, I am confident we will make it to the next round''

Neur and Lahm after the victory against Uruguay

Belfast tele

World Cup Report - Group Game 1

PARAGUAY or PARAPLEGIC?

 

 

The WORLD CUP, ITALY 2015, kicks off tonight and in the Paraguay camp, all is calm. The squad looked very relaxed as they trained just outside Afragola, just over 12km from Naples. The opening match for Paraguay will be played at the Stadio San Paolo, where Belgium will provide the opposition. The talented Belgians, with players such as Kompany, Hazard, De Bruyne and Mirallas are clear favourites for Group C, a group that is made up by Ivory Coast and Georgia, so the battle will be for second place and a spot in the knockout stages.

 

 

Paraguay are an ageing side with top players Edgar Barreto, Nelson Valdez and Oscar Cardozo having a combined age of 92 but their experience will be vital in the pressure pot that is the World Cup.

 

Barreto, Valdez and Cardozo relax before tonight's match

 

 

 

Paraguay boss Gordon Kinnear knows all about pressure after steering Derby County to promotion this season and this is what he had to say:

 

'We are ready for this competition and our focus is not on finishing second but finishing top. Andy Murray offered to come and give a talk to the lads but as I say, we are not a team that enjoys finishing second. We sent him over to the Belgium camp, where he would be of more use. I have told the lads to go out and enjoy their football first and kick everything in sight second. I spent almost an hour talking to them and at the end realised only Nelson Valdez understands English. We are not scared of anyone in this tournament. Ivory Coast, whoever they are, sounds a nice place for a holiday while Georgia must be the first American city to compete in this tournament. I would like to finish with a few words in Spanish, a phrase taught to me by Nelson Valdez.

 

'El Paraguyo a scaredio of el no oneo. El Paraguayo for el Coupe de monde'

 

With that bold statement we wish Paraguay well.

 

 

World Cup 2015 - Meet the Pundits

As the World Cup preparations are all but over and the games about to start we meet the main 3 Gold 279 Pundits who have given up their holidays to give their opinions on the forthcoming World Cup and they started by discussing tonight's key matches.

JV: "It is rather hard to choose which game to watch to be honest. The scheduling of having all 16 matches at the same time in 8 different stadiums is going to be tricky. But for me it has to be Hirst v Beddows and I hope Hirst does him... Come on"

Fox: "I thought you'd be concentrating on Paraguay and your buddy Gino to be honest John"

JV: "I hope Paraguay do well yes. What about you Fox"

Fox: "Im intrigued by the match ups in Group C... Putin backed Russia, hosts Italy, superpower United States and little old N.Ireland with their controversial leader PMW. If PMW can do anything there I will be amazed."

JV: "We all saw that Razzaque couldn't hack the pressure in Moscow and to be fair I would be surprised if Browny (Heath Brown) can hack the stress of managing Putin's expectations of winning the tournament without conceding any goals at all.

The Doctor: "I am going to time travel in my tardis to be honest to try and capture as many matches as possible. I like China to be honest... So many possible Plymouth fans in China.

JV: "hahaha... I'd like to see Dave T do well but I wouldn't hold your breath. Hillard and Spain for me, a great chance."

Fox: "Don't forget Razzaque and France John... but I think his unconventional approach might bamboozle his expensive players who will not be used to his pre-match witchcraft rituals."

The Doctor: "What do you guys think about Group G tonight?"

JV: "I think Clive's Austria will come up short about the Aussies in my opinion... I saw the Aussie's in training this morning after Huddo inviting me along and they were bouncing around that pitch I tell you..."

Fox: "I think Germany under Aaron will be too strong for most... just gotta be careful of an Suarez bite tonight but if he utilities Petersen then should be no problem.

The Doctor: "Group H was called by some the Group of death and I think we might have a surprise on our hands tonight... Spain are strong but Cooper (Je M'appelle) Falcao has got them well drilled in signing the Welsh... I mean Czech national anthem... they will be up for it."

Fox: “The Doctor, what do you think of these rumours of unhappiness amongst the Turkish media and fans in regard to Gardiners loyalty ahead of tonight’s clash with Ireland.

The Doctor: “In my opinion mate having great great great great Irish Grandparents will not effect Gardnier’s focus on getting 3 points for Turkey but I can see the other side of the argument. Do you think Georgia have any chance v Shipp’s Ivory Coast?”

JV: “I think the story that Shipp can't keep any side afloat sailed long ago in my opinion and with Yaya and Kolo and Didier, Georgia could be in for a very difficult night.

The Doctor: “Couldn’t agree more JV.” 

Thats all for tonight from the World Cup Pundits. Tomorrow we will be joined in the studio by Tottenham boss, Broon.

Playa Haters Ball, World Cup Edition

Hostilities will commence tonight When the World Cup kicks off, and this time France won't be counted out quite so quickly as occurred in two other World Events of the twentieth century.

Manager Strazzaque recorded the following message for all combatants....

TRANMERE: KINGS OF EUROPE

Tranmere Rovers enjoyed the biggest night in their history last night by beating European Giants Borussia Dortmund 1-0 in the SMFA Champions Cup final at Wembley. Manager, Frank Hirst said, "It was an unbelievable team effort through the Competition beating huge sides along the way, who'd ever think that little Tranmere from Birkenhead could achieve something like this!?"

Tranmere set out defensively and contained Dortmund, forcing them to shoot from the edge of the box, with Jan Oblak making some sublime saves. Hirst's tactics seemed to be very aggresive, giving away too many free kicks at times and captain Totti eventually getting sent off with 5 minutes to spare. The all important goal came on 61 minutes, when star striker Romelu Lukaku controlled a great ball by De Bruyne on his chest and rolled it past Hummels to the on running Ansaldi, who smashed it past Weidenfeller, bursting the net on the way!

There was speculation that Silvio Berlusconi was at the game last night because he's looking to invest in Tranmere Rovers...

Silvio Berlusconi at Wembley last night

...on the pitch, new Tranmere Assistant Manager Marco Materazzi was mocking Berlusconi with striker Romelu Lukaku...

Assistant Materazzi celebrates with Lukaku

Goalscorer Ansaldi celebrates with De Bruyne

SMFA Shield Final FC Basel 1 Swansea City 3

A hard fought and often tense SMFA shield final was won by Swansea City at Wembley last night. A teary eyed Fred Dodger, the victorious manager, could hardly contain himself as he exited the field of play, held aloft by his players as Men of Harlech echoed around the stadium.

The Swansea fans had been in fine voice before the game but didn't have a lot to sing about in a tense first half. Both teams were reluctant to commit too many men forward and it led to little goal mouth action. Basel had the two best chances of the half but Vorm was alert on both occasions.

If the massed male voice choirs of welshmen were a little subdued in the first 45 minutes they were stunned into silence after five minutes of the second half when Diaz slipped one past Vorm, who may have done better, after a cut back by the ever dangerous veteran Streller.

The goal was just what the game needed; Swansea had to react and they responded by pushing forward with more intent and were level within ten minutes, Prieto curling a peach of a shot in from around 20 yards. Almost from the restart Swansea were ahead after winger Danny, of all people, rose up in the box  to nod in a header from Rodriguez's free kick. Veteran Walter Samuel was ashen faced as it was his ugly hack on Guttierez that had been penalised.

The fight seemed to drain out of Basel but they realised the game was slipping away and mounted some late attacks that casued a few nervous moments in the city defence.

With five minutes to go though, man of the match Danny latched on Guttierez's lay off, fired the ball through a crowded penalty area and wheeled away to embrace his ecstatic his manager as the net bulged. Cue pandemonium in the crowd as they knew the cup was coming back to South Wales.

Manager Fred Dodger: "It's a fitting end to this season. We've been through a lot. Losing the final in our domestic shield was a bitter blow but we got through that. We then had to fight a relegation battle, and I take full responsibilty for us being down there, but the players dug us out of that hole too. This success is nothing more than they deserve. I don't like to single players out but Danny has been immense since we signed him late in the season. We need somebody on the left wing after Pablo Hernandez's injury troubles but I wasn't expecting the level of perfomances he's given us. He's a winner and given us all a lift. I can't wait to get started again next season"